Warning...may contain strong language and humor
I am getting a little tired of the teenage shakedown. Everywhere I go there is a kid shaking me down for money to support their sport trip, dance class, play, program ads ect. What exactly is the lesson being learned when you tell kids that in order to get what they want they should panhandle. At least the con men who ask for $3 tell you it is just to catch the bus home. With that I can feel some delusional gratification even though I know it's for wine. But to hit me up when I am trying to go buy a soda because the fucking marching band is going to Florida for " finals" is just plain arrogant. First of all, guess what my school taxes are....too fucking high that's what they are. Guess how many kids I have in school...not fucking any. So while I am metal detecting my back yard to find oil money so I can have heat, you little trumpet playing bastards are planning to go to Florida? I haven't gone anywhere tropical since 1997 when I went to Atlantic City and got shit on by seagulls. Secondly, why do the " finals" have to be in florida? Why can't we heard all of you little assholes into a high school gym somewhere so you can see what the gym looks like other than when you re lying on your back from just getting knocked out in dodge ball. Your poor father is busing tables at IHOP so you can go blow your tuba in South Beach? Get lost. And why does the swim team need to raise money? What possible supplies can be out of your economic threshold? If you can't afford speedos, wear your mothers panties, stop blocking my way into the 7-11.
They aren't even taught how to beg correctly. They set up a table at like 11 am, crayola some goofy shit on an old pickle bucket and sit on their asses while their fat mothers peer at me while I run past. They don't even get the fuck up! If I ever do contribute to these little bastards it's going to be when i wizz nickels at them from the car as I am pulling out.
And if they need money so bad, how did they all get those cheesy satin jackets with their name on them that they'll outgrow in 7 months? Crackheads look like crackheads. Their clothes are dirty, teeth are rotten, smell like urine..but these kids look like they just left a sears catalog and are about to dance in Annie. You want my money...earn it. At least the fat softball chicks offer to wash my car.
But why is it every car wash porn I ever saw had hot chicks with half tops on waiving at traffic? Around here they don't block traffic with sexy outfits, they block lanes with their thighs. It is like some kind of fucked up softball fantasy league where you were stuck with all catchers. They always look like the cheer leading squad for The Biggest Loser.
The girl scouts have a product. Those mint cookies and coconut whateverthefucks are good but not that good. $4-5 a box for cookies? Check back when you're 18 and maybe I'll tip you that when you bring me some Hooters wings but I am not paying 25 cents a cookie so you can learn how to tie knots.
Nothing is not funn'able. Here we touch topics so sensitive that you may just go away hating me.